As for your sincere comments, Oregon pinot noir, I feel like I should respond to you on my own blog. From Holly’s silence, I sense that she would prefer to not go any further with this topic here. And, I want to respect her space. Thanks!

The purpose of my comment above was not to get you to “defend” your view of polygamy. Frankly, I am not interesting in either advocating or condemning it one way or the other. That is not at all the point I was addressing.

My objective was a little more nuanced and modest:

I simply wanted you to consider the possibility that even though an intelligent and compassionate person (such as yourself) may see things fairly simply when it comes to polygamy, that it just might be possible that an equally intelligent and compassionate person may have a more complex view — and that such a condition does not necessarily make that individual a “space cadet,” altogether worthy of ridicule. (You know, “Crazy Utah” and all.)

Do you understand what I am trying to get at? Are you willing to discuss it with me? Thanks for your time.

Sincerely,

A.W.

P.S. Dear Oregon pinot noir, thank you for your fantastic reply! I will respond when I have more time.

It’s been that way since Mormonism began, and in spite of all the dressing up of contemporary polygamous relationships, no one has yet convinced me of any true equality and dignity in these unions.

You know, I don’t even think it’s that complex. And to make it so just makes my head spin.

Thanks for your thoughtful response. Speaking solely for myself, I have no quarrel with active practicing Mormons per se. I respect many of the actively practicing Mormon relatives of my generation and my parent’s. Further, I respect those who engaged in polygamy in those early years when it was an accepted practice. I admire their hardiness and guts in taking on such an adventure of great peril (traveling to and settling Utah) back in the mid 1800’s.

I was raised on the periphery of Mormon culture, not growing up in Salt Lake but with regular visits to family living in Salt Lake throughout my childhood. At family gatherings I felt friendliness and genuine interest from some and felt marginalized by others, assuming (quite rightly) I was less interested in Mormon practice and beliefs…certainly less devout than they were.

I moved to Salt Lake as a young adult and attended the U of U, finishing up my undergrad degree and then a masters. I married and raised a family in Salt Lake and lived there until 1991.

Looking back on my years in Utah, I have only one major beef with the Mormons and that was their treatment of my son who felt ostracized and suffered as a young school kid. I learned (through listening and observation of him) that to be a non-Mormon, i.e., NOT an actively practicing Mormon child in the Salt Lake Valley was to be less than accepted by ones peers.

Our family is now scattered along the west coast from Seattle to L.A.. Again only speaking for myself, I have very mixed feelings about Utah, Mormon relatives and neighbors from that time. I felt more comfortable at the U and found that my connection for friendship and more(I married a professor).

Had I known more like you with an open attitude and similar tastes (as evidenced by your participation in mullentown) I would have been very open to dialogue… discussion and friendship.

Am I feeling paranoid? Well, now that you mention it, I have been feeling a bit uneasy lately.

But, for some reason, I know that I can trust you. I sense that you are a kind soul, someone I can really open up to and spill my guts. And, let me tell you, I am really looking forward to it!

I think this new found comfort level is based upon your demonstrable expertise in comparative religion. From what you have written, I now know that I am in safe hands.

Thank you, very much indeed.

Sincerely,
A.W.

P.S. Sorry about stealing your wallet & car keys at the last reunion. I just couldn’t resist. You know how weak-willed our family can be.

(I don’t suppose you might have just misplaced them. Often the simplest explanation is right one — Hakim’s Razor)

I do not want you, Holly, or anyone else to feel chastised for having feelings. And, I do not believe that there is necessarily anything wrong with expressing an opinion either.

For me, that is what having a blog is all about. And, as an American, I cherish that freedom — that right.

But, the fact is that when people like you, Holly, and me exercise our right to express our feelings and opinions, we need to recognize that other people have the same right to challenge our feelings and opinions.

That is what is happening now.

I have feelings too. I am expressing an opinion about something that concerns me. I recognize that I am going to have people come back at me. I welcome it. I want to have a conversation.

I want to know what I can personally do to make Utah a better place to live — for everyone. And, I want to give feedback to those who are willing to receive it as well.

We are all in this together. It would be nice if there were one clear bad guy, then we all could just blame him, insult him, etc. But, it doesn’t work that way.

We all can do better: Me, you, and Holly.

If we are going to share this state (or, this planet), then it only makes sense for us to learn how to be good neighbors. I am willing to try. I am looking for others who share that willingness.

In that spirit, I would like you and others to open up and tell me what issues you have with active practicing Mormons like me, and what you believe I can realistically do to be better. In such a process, I hope that we all will be respectful and constructive, because I believe that is the only way real change is ever going to come about. And, that is what I want.

Sincerely,

A.W.