Some of My Best Friends Are …
Call it a liberal woman thing, but I’m both mystified and wildly amused by recent comments in Salt Lake City sports columns about former Utah Jazz center John Amaechi’s revelation that he is gay.
As revealed in his forthcoming tell-all memoir, Man in the Middle, Amaechi lived a safely closeted life in SLC’s gay community (which he calls the “hippest and gayest” east of San Francisco. Hoo-ah!) during his two-year tenure with the Jazz.
I think this is fascinating. I think the news is groundbreaking. Sure, other professional athletes have come out in the past three or so decades, but only a handful. Breaking barriers in pro sports such as going public with homosexuality is, even in 2007, a big deal. And Amaechi is the first NBA player to do so. That’s quite amazing. And brave.
But I am showing how at least where sports stories are concerned, women are from Venus and men are from Mars. I believe most women who saw this story considered it multi-layered. They probably felt some empathy for Amaechi. Bad enough that he was an awful player, but then he had to conceal his true self from everyone around him, too. Women who appreciate sports and good sports writing (put me, a former Tribune sports editor, in that camp) would want to know more.
With the exception of Phil Miller, lead NBA writer for The Salt Lake Tribune who has covered the Amaechi story fully and professionally for the last two days, local columnists’ treatments of the topic have been unreal.
Check here, here, and here for how three male sports columnists scramble to distance themselves from a topic that still sends shivers down most straight men’s spines.
How do I know that? It’s the universal distancing factor they all fall back on. It’s the fact that these writers can’t ignore an important, even titilating story, but they haven’t figured out how to seriously address it.
They don’t want to come off as — god forbid — homophobic. Hey, no worries there! These guys haven’t run their own mental traps enough to even be accused of homophobia. They aren’t even there yet. It’s easier not to face the issue of gay athletes and what it means in the world of pricey, all-encompassing, macho-drenched professional sports.
So what we get instead from columnists Monson, Luhm, and Rock is this theme of apathy. It’s “who cares if he’s gay,” “this is news?” and “why are we even writing about this?”
But then each spins out 20-plus column inches about why he is writing about this.
Or, in Luhm’s case, a whole treatise on how Amaechi completely sucked while playing for Coach Jerry Sloan and drew too fat a paycheck from Jazz owner Larry H. Miller.
What do we make of that argument? That being the untalented slacker he was, it’s no surprise that Amaechi is gay?
It’s like the old argument about not seeing black when dealing with African-Americans. “I’m color-blind when it comes to race,” white people will say in their efforts at tolerance and inclusion.
But ask a black person if he or she wants to be invisible.
And ask a gay man who might like to be open while playing in the NBA how he wants to be perceived?
Not, I’ll bet, as someone to be ignored, brushed off and discounted with an eye-roll and a “who gives a rat’s ass?”
Anyway, here is a more thorough round-up of what NBA players think of Amaechi’s news. I love the quote from former Utah Ute Mike Doleac, always a smart guy far beyond his ability on the basketball court.
February 9th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I, too, think this is a huge deal! Especially in Utah. Yes, I am very surprised there is such a “thriving” gay community here. No one wants to say a word, because my fellow Mormons are so busy trying to prove they aren’t homophobic - when most of them actually are - that the only thing left is to stay very, very quiet! That is what LaBron James should have done. Can you imagine what most NBA team members would have said if, on the first day of practice John had said, “Hi guys, I’m gay and trust me, okay.” I’d laugh but it isn’t funny. David Steele has it exactly right, but forgets to mention that Amaechi is now retired. That’s why the following ESPN comment is important.
I keep thinking of my grandson - not knowing how he feels about homosexuality - and his comments about John when my grandson was a server at a local Guru’s. He said that John was the only Jazz player who came in who immediately struck up interesting conversations with employees, being conversant on any topic, a first class guy. There are many athletes who live by their stats instead of by their real wits, as John did while he was here. I hope his book is a bestseller for all of the right reasons.
February 9th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
I believe the number of gay male athletes that are out is a whopping 6.
I’d love to talk about the thriving gay community in Salt Lake City…and I’m glad Amaechi brought it up. It’s kind of amazing that people can just be people, even in the shadows of the temple spires.
Toast to John! And I love that accent!
February 10th, 2007 at 12:20 am
I had a long talk with a young teenage boy who is very open about being gay. He believes that ‘coming out’ to people about his homosexuality will help promote understanding and eventually make being gay a non-factor in people’s lives. He is an active Mormon and even “comes out” to people at Church (which isn’t going over well by the way).
Maybe John’s book will be received in the same vein. I hope it is better than the excerpts provided by the publisher though. It seems John spends a lot of time trying to settle scores with his old coach who he admits never knew he was gay.
I was interested in his comparison of the Gay Community in Utah versus San Francisco. I’m straight so I have no idea if what he is saying is true. I did grow up in the Bay Area and people are certainly far more open about homosexuality there than they are here. I have also heard from my Gay friends who come from other locals about the hostility they feel here versus other places. I would think that having such a hostile atmosphere could make the Gay community grow closer and stronger in response. Maybe that is what John was referring to. I kind of hope that is the case.
February 10th, 2007 at 11:31 am
My partner and I moved to St. George,Utah two years ago. The majority of our friends and family thought we were nuts. We laughed and moved anyway. We’ve never felt hostility or out of place here in St. George. We think it’s because of the mixed, diverse population…
we’re blessed to have landed in a great neighborhood…
we’re comfortable in our own skin…
and really,people just don’t care.
Treat everyone with respect and it’ll be returned.
February 12th, 2007 at 10:19 am
John proclaims that the Jazz should have known that he wasn’t going to play hard once they signed him to a big-money, multi-year contract.
What the…?
The man talks about being balanced, yet he is clearly selfish, self-centered and proud. If his view of “balanced” includes that feature-set, he’s driving on square tires. Those character traits will certainly betray you in any relationship, personal or professional.
John is his own worst enemy. Unless he alters his course, he is likely to continue to live a frustrated life and die clueless, lonely and profoundly unhappy.
His friends called “nice ass” from the free-throw line. Isn’t that a bit like shouting, “nice tits” to a columnist? If this is how his best-friends treated him, Jerry Sloan and the Jazz locker-room were hardly his nemisis. John is his own worst enemy.