Numb and Number
First, I thank all of you delightful posters for your kind comments yesterday (post titled: “When Work Got In the Way”). On reading it again this a.m., it struck me as unbelievably whiny. So you are all wonderful and get (virtual) gold stars for buoying me up when I was tired. I’ll keep writing here, though maybe in an altered form. All of your suggestions are worthwhile.
At this very moment I have 31 minutes until my deadline for my weekly editorial/column in the front section of City Weekly. But like the rest of America today, I’m numb. Numb from the unspeakable violence that overtook Virginia Tech yesterday, and scrambling to find all I can about the student who went on that rampage. I feel I must write something in CW, but because it’s a weekly, whatever I manage to get on the page will feel old, dusty and probably insignificant as this multi-layered story plays out in the next several days.
What do you do? Visit the old tired arguments again about gun control or not? About safety on college campuses? Something is tweaking me right now, telling me there’s much more to focus on about anger in this society — how we simmer and boil over something, then shut ourselves down without truly resolving the problem we started with. This is especially true of boys and men, who seem to get bonus points in our world for toughening up against anger (or for exhibiting it in the most troubling ways: ultimate fighting, NFL football, movie sequels to “Die Hard.”)
And you know what they say: Unresolved anger leads to depression and depression is just anger turned inward. So if the shooter was simply mentally ill, how much of that had to do with never learning to express himself properly, to work through his anger, to put it somewhere constructive?
Oh, we are all Monday morning QBs today, aren’t we? Numb, but filled with post-game analysis nevertheless.
God save us all.
April 17th, 2007 at 10:13 am
The magnitude of the Virginia Tech massacre just seems way too huge for analyis at the moment. The literature relevant to the catharsis hypothesis (the idea that if folks let out a little steam now and then, they’ll be less likely to blow up in a violent fit of rage) is complex (I think that it boils down to something like physical violence begets more physical violence but talking about your emotions is good).
I’m not sure what was wrong with that kid and, like you, I’m really tired of the gun debate (and as we say that there are thousands of folks reaffirming their devotion to their guns in the wake of this disastor. Yes, guns are the ultimate victims in these things).
I’m off to teach my class and hand back tests in a few moments. The students seem like a nice bunch.
April 17th, 2007 at 10:28 am
I’m new at reading your blog. I’m a long-time SLC resident and have worked in journalism for a long, long time. I think that in opening this blog and all that I’ve read you’ve come to think too highly of yourself and your talents. I read your columns at the Trib and still think they were mediocre at best. Rebecca is doing a much better job and has more insights than you’ll ever have. She’s also a better writer with a much better imagination and creativity.
Secondly, I think Ben was the best editor at the otherwise bland weekly. It will be interesting to see how you do. I’m not holding my breath.
April 17th, 2007 at 10:55 am
“Violence is as American as apple pie”
H.Rap Brown, from 1967.
The arguments over gun control are endlessly circular and repetitive. Would take decades to reduce the number of handguns even if there was the political will.
Japan,Iceland,Singapore anyone ? No firearms.
April 17th, 2007 at 11:05 am
I’m so sorry ttstark chose such a time to slam you, Holly. There is surely too much anger and violence in our society to look for an opportunity to demean your writing in such a way - on this day, with this topic.
You will have my support always. I am still numb from the fallout of the vitriol from the “comedy” world. When are we going to learn to be kind as well as honest, to love life - human and otherwise - more than guns, to honor all worthy efforts at good writing?
I write stores about my girlhood for my grandchildren. They will never know what it is like to live in the “wilderness” as a cowgirl. I do hope they can accept my efforts to describe the experiences that have made me who I am, without criticizing style or construction. My heart is there, and your heart is in your writing, dear friend, whom I have never met.
April 17th, 2007 at 11:11 am
ooh ttstark, you don’t believe in starting off slowly, do you? If you’d really read this blog much, you would have found we may do our zingers, but without much of the acrimony that oh-so-brave anonymity engenders.
With the deep tragedy in Virginia, I hope we soap boxers can hold off on beating our drums until we know more of the why’s and how’s. It’s all because of gun availability, all because of video games, all because the sane students weren’t able to carry their own guns, all because of the rapacious American society, all because he was a crazy foreigner, all because the people in charge couldn’t respond their way out of a paper bag and ought to be fired–all of it is premature. Perhaps first a prayer for those who died and those who remain, and later give some deep thoughts to how something like this could be made less likely in the future.
April 17th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Did I mention Japan ? Bad choice as the mayor of Nagasaki, Itcho Ito was gunned down last night……….
April 17th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Your response to one of the most tragic events in recent history is, “Mullen sucks.” How is it over there on your own little planet, ttstark:-)?
Amen to msteele. Time for analysis and recrimination later.
April 17th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
I’ve been around long enough to develop a thick skin and I am able to let personal attacks on me go by the way. But, I am not thick skinned when it comes to personal attacks on family and friends and I’m pretty fried over ttstark’s remarks about Holly’s abilities.
I guess we can be thankful that we are so near the center of the universe with ttstark in the blog.
Larry
April 17th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
I am also more than a little miffed at ttstark’s comments. The trib is in a much sadder state since Holly’s departure and the City Weekly can only benefit from her experience and bring it back to the cool little local paper it was back in the Private Eye days. So to ttstark I say welcome and don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.
As for the tragedy in Virginia, my heart just aches for the souls lost in such a sensless act of violence. We will all grieve and then search for understanding, but like Columbine, Trolley Square, etc… we may never truly understand what drives a certain few to such horrific acts. I will still continue to give humankind the benefit of the doubt and hope that someday we may evolve beyond this insanity.
Cheers!
April 17th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Dear ttstark,
Any guts? If so, you’ll leave a real name. Otherwise, you’re a murmur in the wind. That’s a tough place for a reporter - if you really are one.
Husband Ted
April 17th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Ditto on the dumb timing, ttstark. Try to stay on topic and save the unrelated flames for other times. Enough of that though.
Numbness about the VT shooting is all I feel right now. Another 33 lives lost due to some other poor soul losing touch with the world the rest of us reside in. I have no ideas, I can’t identify with the various strident voices calling for their point of view, ‘More Gun Control’, ‘Less Gun Control’, ‘Less Violence on TV’, etc, etc, etc.
I just can’t get behind any of this because I see and don’t see value in all of it. I guess all I can think is that somehow this poor sad soul ended up in the dark place all by himself and could only see insane violence as the answer. And 30 some odd innocent students and teachers pay the price of his journey into the dark. I can only see sadness and regret for all parties. Blame will have to come later for me.
Peace to all.
April 17th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
I wonder what ttstark’s agenda is really about? It seems pointless and lashing out at the wind. I too question his/her crediblity as a reporter and/or journalist. It sounds like projection to me…. an overused defense mechanism at best…at worst a veiled attack about something having little to do with this blog.
April 18th, 2007 at 3:28 am
ttstark,
Ted was way too kind in 1)Addressing you as “Dear” and calling you a 2)”murmur in the wind.”
I’m not sure what your reasons or motives are for atacking the messanger.
You sound as if you need anger management classes.
Three words for you:GET A LIFE! Or a therapist.
Holly was the only reason I looked forward to reading The Salt Lake Tribune. I still read it and enjoy reading Rebecca and Rolly. But alas, the joy of opening the Trib and seeing her byline is long gone.
April 18th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I think I see ttstark’s agenda clearly, as it’s pretty much the same one found around Fox and other right-tilted media. If you can’t rationally and intelligently argue the message, personally attack the messenger. Volume and vitriol always play well to those who can’t or won’t hold a position based on reason rather than emotional rhetoric. I’m shocked he(she) didn’t question Holly’s patriotism, or claim that she gives aid and comfort to terrorists as well. That usually accompanies every personal attack, doesn’t it?
Holly, you have to take encouragement in this, though. Your blog isn’t just being read by like minded-spirits. The deluded may not like your message, but you wouldn’t be hearing from them if they weren’t reading your work!
April 18th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
NOTE to ttstark, I hope that you take the time to read this. I suggest you get to know more about Holly before slamming her. She is a good journalist and a great human being. Holly is an exceptional writer who can eloquently describe the emotions that many people experience in tragic circumstances.
Holly was the only bright spot in my life on January 3, 2005. This day, my dear friend Theresa Marie Fuentes Harris was murdered in front of her children, and then her ex-husband turned the gun on himself, leaving all four of their children as orphans. Holly has devoted much of her time to domestic violence and is a strong advocate to ALL women who find themselves as victims.
I hope that it is ok to do this (regarding copyright laws), but I am including an article that Holly wrote on 1/9/07. It was published in The Salt Lake Tribune. I called Holly and told her the story. She came to Theresa’s funeral and wrote this wonderful tribute. This article meant so much to all of us that love Theresa and were seriously grieving at how she lost her life.
Mullen: Divorce can give a way out
Holly Mullen
Salt Lake Tribune Columnist
Salt Lake Tribune
Published January 9, 2005
Annamarie Bloch and Theresa Harris shared passions that only a couple of sisters could appreciate. Top of the list: They each had a thing for Mel Gibson.
“We had this thing going for him since we were kids,” Bloch said. So, on a day eight years ago, when Bloch awoke woozy after 13 hours of surgery for breast cancer, the first image she saw was none other than Gibson. Taped to the wall of her hospital room was a 7-foot-high promotional poster of the actor in “Braveheart.” Mel was wearing a kilt.
“Theresa had gone to every video store in the area - it was the week that ‘Braveheart’ had come out on video,” said Bloch. “She pestered the clerk until he just said, ‘Here, take it while I look the other way.’ ”
Similar stories rolled out for two hours during a Friday funeral service at the Hunter 4th LDS Ward in West Valley City. Friends, relatives and church leaders regaled a packed chapel with memories of a woman who loved to laugh, cooked any recipe she could find and spent her vacations distributing care packages to orphans in Brazil. What a scene it was - people laughing out loud one second and dabbing at their tear-filled eyes the next.
Harris, 43, died on Jan. 2 at the hands of her ex-husband, Hector Leiva-Fuentes. She had stopped at Leiva-Fuentes’ home to drop off groceries for their 17-year-old son, who was sick in bed. Leiva-Fuentes - whom police confirmed had threatened to kill his ex-wife in a phone call last summer - confronted her in the driveway, shot her to death and then turned the gun on himself. To compound the tragedy, the act was witnessed by two of the couple’s daughters, ages 12 and 9. A 14-year-old daughter was elsewhere at the time. Theresa also left behind her husband of only 12 days, Bradley Harris, whom funeral speakers described as “the love of her life.”
Listening to those eulogies, I couldn’t help but consider the irony of a woman who gave of herself endlessly in trips to those Brazilian orphanages - now her children are grieving the deaths of their own parents. Elizabeth Sollis, a spokeswoman for the state Division of Family Services, said the children remain in foster care while authorities work toward a kinship placement.
And I wondered, too, how much good a state legislator means to do with a bill this year to eliminate most no-fault divorces in Utah. Rep. Peggy Wallace, R-West Jordan, told The Tribune last month “there should be some shame” in getting a divorce. Wallace believes it’s just too easy for people - especially those with young children - to ditch their marriages.
I wish Wallace had been at this funeral. Someone might have told her of the shame an abused woman lives with every day - undeserved that it is. Harris fit that profile. Jan Smith LaBard, a friend who worked with Harris at a Salt Lake County call center from 2000 to 2003, contacted me a few days after the murder. “Theresa always told me, ‘He’s going to kill me, he’s going to hurt the kids.’ She had friends who offered to put her up, but she was afraid to leave. I lost touch with her a couple of years ago, and now this.”
At some point, Harris did, at last, extricate herself from the violence. She had moved out, divorced Leiva-Fuentes and obtained a protective order. Utah’s no-fault divorce law let her escape without giving a reason. A little less shame for a woman who knew that emotion all too well.
hmullen@sltrib.com
April 18th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
I dunno H, are the gun control arguments really old?
We have, in this country, had virtually unrestricted access to guns since the republic was founded. The gun controls that exist have no guts or backbone and frankly don’t do a damn thing. In Virginia, you can walk out with your pistol and hollow points once the VISA charge clears.
The goal of gun rights advocates is to saturate every site in human society with concealed haadguns with the hope that when a crazy dude sets on a crowd, someone will take HIM out. But that goal is myopic and unrealistic: it won’t happen.
So the alternative is to restrict gun sales to the point that people simply can’t obtain them. I would much rather live in a society where a crazy guy takes on a crowd in a shopping mall or classroom at a university with a sharp knife rather than a 9mm.
Maybe Rocky could ban gun sales in SLC before he leaves office. Might as well go out with a BANG!
April 19th, 2007 at 5:54 am
“…a murmur in the wind..” Ted, you’re so sweet. I’d say more like a fart.
Re: VATech. Everyone who has ever loved a child grieves for the lost dreams.
April 22nd, 2007 at 4:58 pm
twowheelfish says: “So the alternative is to restrict gun sales to the point that people simply can’t obtain them” Is this goal realistic? Consider other widely used things that are illegal. Most illegal drugs represent a huge health risk to the user of those drugs (i.e. guns and most illegal drugs unquestionably have a great potential for great harm to someone). And so drugs are illegal, yet easily obtainable. Gambling is illegal, yet ubiquitious. Our prisons are full of non-violent drug users, and those prisoners are disproportionately non-white (and unfairly so, because the police focus drug enforcement on poor, non-white communities, while rich white drug users essentially get a pass). If simply possessing a gun became illegal, who would be more likely to go to prison for simple gun possession- a minority in Salt Lake City or some white dude in Sandy? If guns became illegal, rest assured there would be many more mere gun possessors in prison than those that used guns in the commission of another crime. Do we really need more people in prison in our society? Do we want to give the government, the police and the district attorneys more laws to subjectively enforce, more reasons to put a person who’s done no actual harm to anyone in prison? Virginia Tech is an unspeakable tragedy. But with 300 million people and a (mostly) free society, can we prevent all the tragedies? Are more laws and restrictions always the answer?
More more reasoning along these lines, please go to: http://web.mac.com/ericr0283