I am 50 today.
It’s a huge birthday, I know.
What I keep wondering is just how am I supposed to feel?
Older? Wiser? Grateful? Relieved?
Mostly, I feel a little blurry. (And not simply because my terrific staff at City Weekly treated me with a rich chocolate birthday cake and a magnum of champagne at 2:15 p.m. today at our weekly meeting. Don’t worry. We split it among 10 people.)
The blurry is about not remembering scores of important … things. I can’t, for instance, remember my two children back when they were helpless little things. I have to look at photos for that. Luckily, while digging through an old blanket chest a few days ago, I turned up a stack of old 4X5 photos taken hours after each of them was born. There is Kit, with the crooked fourth toe on her left foot. And Sam, with a dimple in his chin, just like my dad’s — the grandpa who died long before he was born and who is also becoming more of a blur for me, sadly.
If living in the moment is a gift, I guess I am gifted. Because I can’t remember the moments of the past I never thought I’d forget.
And I just don’t feel 50, whatever that is.
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on Monday, August 20th, 2007 at 5:22 pm and is filed under All, Family, Relationships.
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I am 50 today.
It’s a huge birthday, I know.
What I keep wondering is just how am I supposed to feel?
Older? Wiser? Grateful? Relieved?
Mostly, I feel a little blurry. (And not simply because my terrific staff at City Weekly treated me with a rich chocolate birthday cake and a magnum of champagne at 2:15 p.m. today at our weekly meeting. Don’t worry. We split it among 10 people.)
The blurry is about not remembering scores of important … things. I can’t, for instance, remember my two children back when they were helpless little things. I have to look at photos for that. Luckily, while digging through an old blanket chest a few days ago, I turned up a stack of old 4X5 photos taken hours after each of them was born. There is Kit, with the crooked fourth toe on her left foot. And Sam, with a dimple in his chin, just like my dad’s — the grandpa who died long before he was born and who is also becoming more of a blur for me, sadly.
If living in the moment is a gift, I guess I am gifted. Because I can’t remember the moments of the past I never thought I’d forget.
And I just don’t feel 50, whatever that is.
This entry was posted
on Monday, August 20th, 2007 at 5:22 pm and is filed under All, Family, Relationships.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Maybe 50 is just a time for reflection,athough not yet to middle age…think 100. Also just 9 years till SS (though that might change).
My favorite B-day was 54…as I got to celebrate twice ! Once in Osaka and then next morning in San Francisco..the good old Date Line. Two shots at enlightenment and I only received jet lag.
T.S.Eliot on memory;
” like a wavering shower of dust on a winding road ”
Anyway, Congratulations !
August 20th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
although…wish I could spell. Old age
August 20th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
It is my sister’s 50th too! Congrats, Holly. Like fine wine, we get better with age.
August 21st, 2007 at 6:36 am
Happy Birthay to You….
And a GREAT BIG Thank You from our family to your parents.
August 21st, 2007 at 10:31 am
Hey, fifty is the new 40 right? So you still got 10 years until you are really 50.
August 21st, 2007 at 10:48 am
When my parents were in their mid-70’s they said they didn’t feel any different than they did in their 50’s–so lots of time to keep doing, keep learning, keep enjoying!
August 21st, 2007 at 10:53 am
Happy Birthday Holly!!!
August 21st, 2007 at 11:58 am
Thanks all! Last night we celebrated with greasy Mexican food, ample numbers of margaritas and my daughter’s homemade Mexican chocolate cake. No wonder my memory is hazy…!
August 21st, 2007 at 12:36 pm
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was? - Satchel Paige
Happy Birthday kid - it doesn’t get anything but better from here on out.
I’m almost 70 and have almost surrendered to the notion that I have to stop defying gravity. Gravity always wins!
August 21st, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Good for you to admit it. And, congratulations. Here’s to many more (not 50s, but birthdays!) Today is our 39th wedding anniversary. Married in 1968 in Osaka, Japan. Three ceremonies - Catholic, Buddhist and civil. During the civil ceremony at the American embassy, we were told to break for lunch, then come back after “thinking this over. These (interracial) marriages seldom work out”. We ate lunch and laughed and laughed. We have two kids - one turns 30 next week and is a lawyer in California. The other, who turns 36 in December, is an expert in medical graphics for doctors and hospitals in Utah.
And, they’re right. 50’s nothing. Neither is 60. I’m looking forward to my 70th in four years. I think I’ll still look and think like 40. My beautiful wife, too.
August 24th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Holly
Just the other day you, me and the other gals (Mad,Jane,etc) were drinking coffee at the Pine Cone…Happy belated b-day..I’m glad we have those memories.
Linda
September 8th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Oh, Golly, Ms. Holly! Just catching up here after a computer black-out…….in celebration of your 50th B’day, make a note: All the “physical things” you wanted to do (or continue), do them in your 50’s. Take it from a 60 something—–this is the time to ramp it up. The Big I Don’t Feel This Age changes, no matter what kind of spin Baby Boomers want to put on it, the body DOES age. Having said those serious words,you can keep enjoying champagne and chocolate Mexican cake forever, which I hope you will!