Bored with Orem
Don’t you just love those puffy “best U.S. cities” lists that the mainstream media gobble up like buckets of theater popcorn?
They rarely contain that all-important context, such as a live quote from a recent crime victim or a parent whose kid was shunned by others at the neighborhood school for membership in the wrong religion.
Just three months ago, some self-promoting outfit called Morgan Quitno Press decided that the city of Orem was the 12th safest U.S. city in which to live. Naturally, Orem Mayor Jerry Washburn was delighted. He told the Deseret Morning News at the time his city’s ranking had a lot to do with Orem’s values, which are “centered on the family.” The schools are good, and the cops are community-oriented.
(What Orem doesn’t have, what all of Utah County doesn’t have for that matter, is an established shelter for the homeless. But why quibble?)
Of course, statistics don’t lie, and no one in Utah County could be accused of being blind to the real world. It’s just that at least anecdotally, Orem seems like a damn creepy place to live. And with regular, glowing descriptions of how fine the city is … well, try a bite of this reality sandwich:
1. A young married couple the press has dubbed Utah County’s Bonnie and Clyde was arrested last weekend and is now charged in federal court with armed robbery of the same Lindon bank three times. Authorities allege the once-wholesome, now skanky, pair spent the money in Las Vegas, Palm Springs and on drugs. Seems they wanted a honeymoon but couldn’t afford it. Because, well, they had to — allegedly — buy drugs, too.
2. On the same weekend, police booked an Orem man on suspicion of drug possession after finding two balloons of heroin under his mattress. On the way to jail, police say, the suspect admitted to hiding more heroin in a spot where the sun don’t shine.
Now, is Orem any different than other Utah cities — like Salt Lake City, West Valley City, Ogden, or (oh my heck) Provo? Of course not. Is it fair to single out Orem for cancers like meth addiction, domestic violence and property crimes? No.
It’s just that we all ought to know there is no such thing as “12th safest city in the nation.” Grit is one cost of urban life. And “safest cities,” quite honestly, are just a state of mind.
January 30th, 2007 at 11:28 am
Go to http://www.morganquitno.com/index.htm and you’ll discover that the Morgan Quinto Press SELLS these listings. That surely relieves me of any angst regarding methodolgy, statistical accuracy and integrity of data.
You want safe, come to Eden.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Well….such harsh words for Orem.Most of the citizens wear beautific smiles and worry not about ontological proofs.After all,they`ve got Mark Twain`s “chloroform in print” to guide them.I suspect a real nuisance might worry about Blood Atonement.As for myself,it`s a perfect January day in Sonoma.Time for a picnic with fresh crab & a glass of pinot noir. Cheers, RB
January 30th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Heck sakes, Holly, don’t be so hard on the folks from Orem. It ain’t easy living in Provo’s shadow, you know. It must be something like being Julia Robert’s plain-Jane sister. No respect, if ya know what I mean. And then there’s the name: Orem. In the first place, it sounds a whole lot like Orrin. As in Hatch. How’d ya like to be confused with a pencil-necked crooner in his fifty-third term in the US of A Senate? NO THANK YOU! And while I’m at it, don’t say bad things about Utah County. Them folks has their own problems. They can’t decide if they’re a county or a state, or—as most of ‘em think—the whole goldarn universe. Show a little compassion, Holly. Please!
January 30th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
I’ll take the pinot and leave the heroin to Utah County! Thanks guys!
January 31st, 2007 at 9:45 am
Okay, I’ll confess. I make it a rule to spend as little time in Utah County as possible because I can’t quite shake the feeling that if I stop my car at any intersection in that fair county, it will soon be surrounded by a mob of very well groomed and polite zombies who will try to bring me around to seeing things their way before eating me.
That said, if the data seem to suggest that Orem is a relatively safe place to live, why rain on their parade? I mean, I bet you that they worry about the zombies too.
January 31st, 2007 at 11:35 am
I’ve lived and worked in several major cities–Tokyo, Washington, DC, San Francisco–working as a prosecutor in two of them, and not having to be overly concerned that you are going to be robbed or beaten when you step outside your door is a commodity that, once lost, is not easily regained.
Having helpful neighbors is also not something to be scoffed at. Back in the days before ubiquitous cheap cell phones, when I was moving into a house in Annandale, Virginia (just inside the Washington Beltway), I had an emergency with the natural gas in my house, but there were several of my neighbors who, even though they were home, would not let me borrow their phones to call the gas company or even do it for me. Why? One explained that her husband, a fireman, told her to never trust anyone far enough to let them inside the door of their home. Fear of crime is an acid that eats away at the flesh of a community, making it hard to accomplish anything positive.
As for the occasional weird news from Orem: Even the nicest folks have strange people, and even criminals, in their families. The fact that these incidents are noteworthy shows that they are unusual in Orem. In South San Francisco or southeast Washington, DC, it would never make the news.
Finally, the fear that is expressed of religious believers is puzzling to me. If Jon Krakauer’s thesis (Under the Banner of Heaven) that Mormonism causes violence were true, Orem would have more drive-by shootings than South Central LA. But that clearly is not the case. I think the mythology that non-religious people like to tell themselves, that religious folks aren’t for real, is an attempt to avoid thinking the obvious: “If these people are so danged happy, maybe I ought to join them. But since I don’t want to, I will tell myself lies about them to justify my refusal to face the facts.” The relative well-being of Orem is an inconvenient truth.
January 31st, 2007 at 1:53 pm
As a reply to coltakashi; I too have spent time in Tokyo and my status was gaijin (literally,”outside person”). The term also means being unable to understand Japanese culture. OK,so try moving to Orem as non-LDS..want your kids to have a normal social life ? Be involved yourself in the community ? Forget it. Your isolation will be more subtle but every bit as complete as living in Nippon. The good people of Utah co. thrive in their endless xenophobia. Cheers and Such, RB
February 1st, 2007 at 8:59 am
Thanks, coltakashi! That’s what the zombies would say before eating me: “I just want you to know how happy being a zombie has made me.” And if they’re so dang happy, maybe I should join them.
But your point is well taken. It’s hard to criticize those folks for being relatively crime free. One of the things I like about living in Logan, as a matter of fact, is that if I forget to lock my door it’s probably no big deal.
And I think Krakauer’s thesis was that adherence to a particular brand of fundamentalist Mormonism leads to violence. I think that he was talking about the Warren Jeffs crowd.
February 28th, 2007 at 10:41 am
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March 2nd, 2007 at 8:04 am
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